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Dating after divorce children soon
"You don't have to drink every day to have a problem," Buser says.
"Drinking a six pack is a binge." Buser's advice: Connect with other guys.
"That's not good for you or your kids," Finley says. Talk about what's on their minds." Before divorce, some dads, Buser says, make the mistake of yielding much of their parenting role to their partners.
Too many men seek out a new relationship before the dust has settled on their divorce, says psychologist Sam J.
Buser, Ph D, coauthor of The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce.
"Tell the woman you've just been through a tough divorce and that you're not ready for a committed relationship," he suggests.
"Acknowledge that it is not the right time for that." After a divorce, it's easy for guys to let themselves become isolated, especially if the ex gets custody of the kids. It can worsen feelings of depression, guilt, and loneliness, a potentially dangerous mix.
"Diplomacy and negotiating skills are key." Being civil with your ex may encourage more flexibility in terms of custody, and potentially more time with your kids.
"If divorced spouses have a working relationship, they can agree to informally bypass some stipulations," Finley says."That should be the most important thing from the man's point of view: His child wants him and his child needs him," Finley says."Maintaining the relationship is important for your child's developmental outcome: social, emotional, and educational." Finley warns against becoming what he calls a "Disneyland dad," who acts as if his role is to show up on weekends and show the kids a good time.Read on for 10 tips that will help you get back in Cupid's good graces.Whether it's been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you're truly ready for another relationship.But it's also tough, she adds, because once you're on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he'll-call sort of way.So how can you make post-divorce dating—whether you're looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man—less daunting?Call up old friends, join a softball team, a club, or a professional association. Just don't make the mistake of expecting your kids to be upbeat about it."Expand your social and professional network to avoid isolation." He also says that the aftermath of a divorce is great time to go back to school. "The last thing the kids want to see is parents getting involved with someone else," says Gordon E."Workloads go up and down, schedules can shift, and you want some way to take that into account." If you're a dad, divorce doesn't change that.Your child still needs you as a father, not as a visitor.